Have you ever compared yourself to someone else? And thought they are better than me, they are happier than me, they look better than me, they know more than me, they have more money than me?
Now just stop for a minute and ask yourself this question, how could you possibly compare yourself to anyone, you are unique, you are a one of a kind and if you allow yourself to be the true you, you would see that you are the perfect you, it’s there inside, possibility after possibility of being the best you that you can be, forget about what has been, it’s about right now, this very moment and what you do with it, there are 86400 seconds in a day and they are worth more than money because no matter what you do, you can’t get them back and if you live to be 75 year old there are only 2,366,820,000 from the moment you were born to 75 years old.
Now that looks to be a large number, however what would happen if you take into account, what age you are now, then how long you sleep for each night, the time you spend eating, using the toilet, even working depending on whether you dislike or like your job, traveling etc, etc that number is going to be a lot smaller, now think about how much time you lost comparing yourself to others, never mind the stress and heartache you have felt in the process, you are not in a competition with anyone other than yourself because you can’t compare anyone to you because there is only one you and you are amazing, every part of you!
Stop looking outside of yourself for the answers and ask within yourself what do I really want? and be truthful with yourself, this is not about what others want for you, not your friends or family, not your spouse or partner, it’s about what you want and only what you want because when you find that, then your life will begin to feel fulfilled, whole and complete and that can only be a great thing for you and those people you choose to have around you.
We all have feelings and emotions, sometimes we can feel hurt, sad, betrayed, let down and even angry or jealous when others don’t do as we would like them to or misunderstand the communications we have given or received from them. Now whether others should do what we want is debatable and depends on the context or situation and that is not what I’m getting at here. It is though a problem when we end up feeling those kind of emotions that do us harm because, to feel any of these feelings and emotions you have to internalise them and use some kind of harmful self talk, whether that be consciously or unconsciously to bring about these feelings of being angry, sad, hurt, betrayed, jealous or guilty, just to name a few.
There are times when these feelings are warranted however, there are times when they are not and I’m sure you know what I mean by this, as we are all guilty from time to time of doing just that, now these feelings damage us far more than they will ever do to anyone else and for those of us who tend to run those feelings over and over and over again, we can then sometimes end up feeling very unhappy way after the event is completely finished with and that is detrimental for your wellbeing both mentally and spiritually and the more problems you create by allowing feelings like this to get the better of you the more it affects your life and your personality, this then can then lead to even more problems like the feeling of low self esteem, lack of confidence and unhelpful self talk, if this is left to fester it would lead to serious depression and the negative effects to your health that go with it.
Start to ask yourself, what is this feeling telling me, what can I learn from this?
Use your feelings as a barometer to help you take a step back from any situation, rather than over reacting to it, start to ask yourself how is feeling this way helping you to get the results that you want, what can you learn from this? Forget the past, the only thing that is useful from the past is what you have learnt from your experiences, not how you feel when you think about those past events, unless they are happy and positive thoughts that is. There is no need to carry old burdens you had from your past as they do not serve you and if you had felt anger, sadness, hurt, fear or guilt about past events then it may well be doing you more harm than you realise.
What you can also do to help yourself is to listen to a hypnosis mp3 or see a hypnotherapist, this will help you at an unconscious level to help you become the person you want to be. Remember if you don’t like how you feel, the only person that can really change that is you, make the decision to live the life that you deserve. This now brings me nicely on to my new hypnosis track on Self Esteem and Relaxation which is for sale at less than the price of a decent cup of coffee, please see details below
Instructions on using this mp3. To get the best from this hypnosis mp3, is to listen to it before going to bed, over headphones and at a low and comfortable volume, either seated in a cosy chair or lying down, take a good 5 minutes out before starting to take some deep breaths and allow yourself to begin to relax, for best results listen to the hypnosis mp3 for 5 nights in a row, then take 2 nights off, repeat this pattern for 4 to 6 weeks, after this use as a “top up” when required.
***Hypnosis should never be listened to whilst driving or operating machinery.***
All music on this mp3 is Royalty Free music
Mystery main theme Music by….Alex Khaskin ( SOCAN ) publisher salieri music inc Native fire Music by….Alex Khaskin ( SOCAN ) publisher salieri music inc Pirates the love story Music by….Alex Khaskin ( SOCAN ) publisher salieri music inc Fairywinds Composers… Bjorn Lynne PRS(uk) Publisher Lynne Publishing (PSR) Pirates hereafter Music by….Alex Khaskin ( SOCAN ) publisher salieri music inc Big epic Music by…Alex Khaskin ( SOCAN ) publisher salieri music inc Lucid dreams Composers… Bjorn Lynne PRS(uk) Publisher Lynne Publishing (PSR) Time to breathe Composers… Bjorn Lynne PRS(uk) Publisher Lynne Publishing (PSR) Humankind Music by….Alex Khaskin ( SOCAN ) publisher salieri music inc
Love, Relationship and Confidence
Well with Valentine’s day fast approaching I thought I would write my blog around love, relationships and confidence which are all amazing states to feel, when they are going great that is. In and of themselves these feelings and emotions are great skills to use within your life not just for use in a romantic situation, after all you may love pets, friends and sometimes even family! and you will have some form of relationship with them too and to a certain degree you need to have confidence as well within all these situations. So confidence, what is it and how do we get it? The dictionary says…… “The quality of being certain of your abilities or having trust in people, plans or the future”.
But how can you feel confident in a situation that you was unsure about? Well first things first, confidence breeds more confidence so if you can switch off all that non helpful internal chatter that resides within yourself and then just stop trying to guess what others are thinking, that will take huge amounts of pressure off what you had been feeling and allow you to start seeing and feeling just how amazing you actually are and then maybe you can begin to feel the love for yourself the way you would love others that you care about, by the way when was the last time you looked in a mirror and said “I love being me I’m happy in my own skin, I like who I am and I will be more than I am right now “? because no matter what you think you are you will always be so much more than that, whether that be happier, more confident or even more wealthier, whether that is finances or your life becoming more richer and worthwhile, start to see what’s not just good but what’s great about your life and you too, then write it down.
Write what good qualities you think make you…. You
And notice just how amazing you are
Work on your own relationship with yourself and your relationship with others will become so much more fulfilling, remember you were once your own best friend, remember your inner child and that unconscious part of you that looks after you now as it has always done, even when you sleep. Begin to push your boundaries and step out of your comfort zone, do something every day that you had thought was not possible for you to do or you did not feel confident enough to do it and it will not be long before you’re feeling more and more confidence in yourself and the situation you choose to enter into whether that be love, friendships or relationships.
Have a great valentine’s day and remember any change no matter how small or how big is better than no change, choose to better your life today.
Some of you may have made some New Year’s resolutions, maybe you are sticking to them maybe you have not?
I personally did not set any as I prefer to set goals that are in alignment with want I really want to happen in my life and making them S.M.A.R.T goals, if that’s something of interest to you, see my last blog for more details. One of my goals that I’ve set for this year is to be more active and productive on my blog and podcast as most of last year went past very fast as I spent time studying everything that interested me and helping others make changes to their own lives. So with that in mind let me begin….. I thought I would start off with one idea that is of great value and so much more powerful than you would ever think and that’s…
In the self-help world and the world of helping yourself you will hear and see the word Gratitude a lot and the fact is that Gratitude is so much more powerful than you may think. People, Leaders and Gurus will all talk about how powerful gratitude is and how it is a game changer and it really is.
You may hear and see people taking about “The Secret” and the “Law of Attraction” the power of positive thought and how that can change the way you live your life and more importantly the way you feel about the life you live, you see the truth is most people don’t look more than a week or two ahead, or even a day or two ahead, they don’t set goals, outcomes and they don’t have a positive intent to back it all up, and they don’t feel gratitude every day, even when their life may be going just how they would like it to go, I know this doesn’t apply to everybody as you may be very future minded and if you are then that’s fantastic but if you’re not don’t blame yourself just realise you can change your life and it is so much easier than you may think!
The truth is with a small amount of work on your behalf you can get amazing results it’s not just about saying it once and it all starts to happen, it’s about making it a life pattern and feeling grateful even when all hell is breaking loose!
That may sound and look like you will have to put a lot of effort in yet the mind learns at an unconscious level and can make this as effortless as remembering to brush your teeth, so now you can see why some people will say it doesn’t work for them they will say I tried it and it did not work for me, but did they really?
You will hear and see some people talking about the law of attraction how they tried it and how it did not work for them. They probably thought about a sports car and winning the lottery, owning the mansion and probably let that run though their mind once or twice and then thought that it would just appear out of thin air…..! they may have said they were grateful a few times then went right back to their old reality and they may end up saying “well it might work for others but it hasn’t worked for me!”
If you wanted to learn to climb mountains you wouldn’t start on Everest would you? So with that in mind, how would you like to change your life for the better and start getting more of the life that you truly deserve? Well if you do I’ve got one word for you……. “Gratitude” if done right it really is a game changer!
Now where to start……
Get a pen and a note pad now set aside one hour of your time, sit down and take four nice deep breaths and relax, now begin to write down any and everything that you can feel grateful for and as you do this feel the Gratitude, continue to do this until the hour is up.
Now depending on how great you feel about your life now or not, your list will be either long or short and that does not matter as it’s a living list that you add too and the more you feel grateful the more grateful you become.
The next thing you want to do when you have written your list, is just before you go to bed that night and every night from that night on read through your list and feel the Gratitude and I mean feel it, see it, taste it, hear it, there is a lot to feel grateful for after all you are so much more than you think you are in fact whatever you think you are, you will be that and so much more too.
Now add to your list as and when you can, do this every night before you go to bed. Read though your list and add at least one new thing. Then again every morning, read them, feel the Gratitude and add to the list even if it’s only a few new ones, do this everyday and make it a habit because when you do this and you really feel the gratitude your life and your world will become a better place and so much more
If you’re having trouble finding things to feel Gratitude for start by asking yourself these questions and write down your answers Ask yourself what is it that really matters to you? What can you appreciate about yourself and the world around you? How do you know when your happy what tells you your happy? What happens in your life every day that you may take for granted? Some words from a great mentor of mine come to mind…
Stop looking for what is a problem and start noticing what is not a problem in your life.
Because that’s where the answers are.
Five steps that will help you set your goals with a great outcome in mind
Know your outcome.
Ask yourself these questions
What is it that you want to achieve?
Be specific ……
How will you know that you have achieved it?
What will you see, hear and feel when you achieve your outcome?
Is this outcome for you or is it for others?
Is this outcome self-maintained or do you need others to achieve this outcome?
Do you know someone who has already achieved this outcome before?
What resources do you have and what resources do you need to achieve this outcome?
Where are you now and where do you need to be in relation to achieving this outcome?
Does this outcome increase choice in your life?
Is there more than one way to get this outcome?
What will you lose and what will you gain by achieving this outcome?
What will this outcome bring to your life that was not there already?
Ask yourself these questions until you have a well-defined outcome.
Make your goals S. M. A. R. T Goals
M. Measurable, meaningful to you
A. As if now and achievable
R. Realistic and responsible
T. Timed, towards what you want
Get the last step… Of your outcome
What will you see?
What will you feel?
What will you hear both internally and externally?
How will you know that it has really happened?
“What has to happen so that you know that you got it?”
Make an internal representation…
“See, hear, feel, taste and smell what that last step will be like”
Step into that internal representation see it through your own eyes.
The more real and the more intense the better the internal representation will be.
Now step out of that internal representation and hold it in your hands like you’re looking at a movie of yourself on a iPad or similar device.
Now to take that outcome and put it into your future at the time and date of your choosing.
Imagine floating out of your body, right up into the air, right above now and then begin to float right out into the future taking with you your internal representation, float right to the time and date that you have set for your outcome.
Energise and empower your internal representation with four deep breaths, breath in through your nose and out from your mouth and blow all of that energy into that internal representation, now allow that internal representation to float right down from your hand and right in to your timeline at the time and date that you decided, now watch as the events rewind like a movie and re-evaluate themselves to support your goals all the way from then all the way back to now…. Notice every image with clarity as you focus your attention on the event that is unfolding within your mind, knowing that this is your future, believe that as if it has already happened because when you do this you can begin to take control of your future and that can only be a good thing can’t it?
Now when you’re ready begin to float back to now and right back into your body and back into now knowing your outcome is right there in your future just waiting to happen.
Remember all learning is unconscious.
The fact is all learning is unconscious, remember when you were learning to ride your bike you may have fallen off a few times and maybe you thought at that time that you may never learn how to ride it.
Then the next time as if by magic you got better and better and you didn’t have to think about it anymore, that learning was unconscious wasn’t it?
You did not have to think about all the actions like balancing and pedalling and looking where you were going all at the same time?
Because your unconscious mind was already taking care of that for you just like the breath that you have just taken or that blink of your eye lids it’s all automated at an unconscious level.
The conscious mind is the goal setter and the unconscious mind is the goal getter
So start setting your goals to achieve the outcomes that are just perfect for you because you can
When someone mentions the word hygiene, what thoughts spring to your mind? what images pop into your head?
Maybe washing, cleaning or even preparing food, maybe going to the dentist, after all if you had toothache you would go and see your dentist wouldn’t you? then they would do the work that was required and advise you on how to keep better oral hygiene, now I’m sure you brush your teeth every day at least twice a day Don’t you?
And I’m sure you wash and keep good personal hygiene too and I’m sure when you are cooking that you keep great food hygiene yet when it comes to mental hygiene…. What do you do?
Most people just let their problems build up and up over the years until something snaps or they feel like they can’t go on, they continue to suffer that anxiety more and more, get even more depressed and feel even worse for it, I once did that myself for many years and still do sometimes – yet with a little helping of mental hygiene the table is easily turned
You can change the way that you think and you can change the way that you feel, you can have great mental hygiene and see your life in a truly positive way and there are many ways to do that and some of them are totally Free, like my hypnosis pod-casts 😉
Hypnotherapy can help you locate what is and what is not the problem, Hypnotherapy can help guide you to the outcome that you wish to achieve, one that you do deserve!
Because when you treat your mind with the love and care that you would for other things in your life your mind will pay you back in ways that you wouldn’t believe.
The life we live is so fast and so full of things to do that most people never really get to do all the things that they want and because of the way that our mind works we tend to spend so much of our time thinking about the things that we don’t want in our lives instead of the thing we do, we sometimes worry about the past or the future and all too often we let the past influence our future before it even happens, we let our minds run wild with the what if this happens, what if that doesn’t happen and it is never from a positive perspective, this kind of behaviour can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem which will only make your life seem worse than it really is.
For example, you could take two people, one with a positive outlook on life and one who is negative then set them though the same events over a 24 hour period:- a mixture of fun and misfortune, after the event ask them about their experience, the negative person will only have seen what was bad about their day and have almost no recollection that fun things had happened to them, it’s almost as if the fun things did not happen at all, were as the positive person will make the best of any event and focus their thoughts on living in the now and seeing the fun parts of the day and dismissing any unpleasant events from their life because they know that there is no value to worrying over spilt milk things happen in life – yet to miss chances to feel happy or have fun and not to live in the here and now it is an injustice to yourself as there is no way of undoing what has passed and letting the past affect your future will only give you more of the same, take responsibility for your life and your actions because when you do this you can begin to shape your life into more of what you do want and even when things don’t go as planned you will see them from a different perspective allowing you to make the best of any situation and recover much faster from any negative event that may happen to you.
So how could you start to change if you’re more inclined to feel or see the negative side of things?
Well the good news is you already have the skills and all that you need to do is change your behaviour and if you’re anything like I was you will have got very good at looking for the negative in anything.
Now all you must do is start to look for the positive in every situation, it is the same skill that you have already been using – it’s just like switching the polarity.
So the next time something happens that you would have felt bad about in the past ask yourself how could I see this differently and what could I learn from this, how does feeling this way benefit me and what positive benefits can I gain from this experience? the more you do this the better you will get at it and the better you get the more your life will begin to change for the better, your mind will begin to look for more and more of positive events and begin to delete the negative events from your experience as if they did not happen at all and that can only make your life far better and for less stressful – is that not something that you deserve to feel for yourself?
If there is one thing I have learned from hypnosis, NLP and life coaching it is the importance of a life purpose and to really understand what you want from life, because when you truly know what you want and have a clear focus on who and what you want in your life you can begin to set the gears in motion in the direction where you really want to go when you put your focus on being what you want to be and by putting your thoughts and attention on those things you want in your life and not on the things you don’t want and by keeping this consent even when you sometimes feel that things are not working out as you hoped, if you can keep the focus and the desire no matter what seems to be going on around you, you will find that things will start to happen and when you begin to see this for yourself then those small things can begin to move on to bigger and brighter things.
The best way to know you are on the right track is to use your feelings the way they where made to be used you can check that you feel congruent with your actions and if you don’t, just stop and listen to your inner voice, notice what is being said to you and also notice that there is always a positive intention for you, then ask yourself how will doing this make my life better? and how does this fit with my life purpose and what will doing this allow me to achieve? place your thoughts and attentions on living in the now as the past is gone and the your future is yet unwritten.
Be the designer of your destiny see the things you want as if you already have them now, not only will your life become much richer, people will also begin to see this in you and be attracted to your positive energy. You don’t have to take my word for this if you want proof take a good look around you I’m sure there will be someone that you know or know of that everybody likes to be around and always seem to get what they want,
now notice or even ask them about what they want from life and you will soon see that they already have a life purpose and they live in the now and the funny thing is they may not even of been aware of it until you brought it to their attention.
Step out of your comfort zone and notice what you truly want from life and take responsibility, move yourself from the effect side of the equation to the cause side as this is by far the best side to be on because you choose and cause what happens in your life and that in and of its self will change how you perceive yourself and also how others will perceive you to.
What is Life-Coaching and what can Life-Coaching do for you?
Life-coaching is about helping you find your way forwards though the maze that is life by bringing you to the answers that you already hold within you, the ones that seem to be hidden from sight and just seem out of reach or may even be clouded by problems that you may or may not have in your life right now. You don’t need to have a problem to see a life-coach, you may just wish to better yourself in some way like change your job or get better at a sport or a hobby and whatever that maybe we can assist you to become better at what you want to do in your life as we are guides here to help you find your way through the maze of life, we do not tell you what to do ( nobody likes that do they? ) we can help you to come to the conclusions that are just perfect for you, the one that will work best for you because nobody knows what they want better than you do! which is true is it not? ( now I hear you say if I have the answers within then why would I come to see you?, I could figure it out myself surely ? ) and I would say if that was true then for what reason would you come to be reading this right now? As sometimes in life, you’re so close to the situation that you just can’t see the solution.
The reason that we can help you with this is…
I can listen to you like maybe no one ever has in your life and then assist you make sense of the goals you want to achieve or issue you may face and then assist you to find the solution, not just a quick fix, ones that will work out perfect for you the ones that are in your best interest and fit with your values and beliefs, allowing you to see the bigger picture of what you feel you really want in your life and to see towards your true life purposes and the brighter future that you truly deserve.
Now ask yourself this question…
How much better would your life feel to you?
When the maze hedges are trimmed down and you can see more clearly and you’re no longer on a dirt track with dead ends and rough terrain therefore then your life begins to feel more fluid, back on track and running on a smooth road with choices of destination, choices you can make with a clear mind easily negotiating the maze of life with passion and drive achieving more than you ever dreamed possible.
I thought I would write my latest blog about anxiety as it’s something that I’ve had a lot of experience with, from suffering from it myself in the past, to helping people to understand it, learn to have control over it and remove the negativity of anxiety from their life’s
Anxiety causes people to feel unnecessary unease which can and does make some peoples lives a living hell and there can be many contributory factors that can be in and of themselves the cause of anxiety problems and these can range from low self esteem and low opinion of your status of how you fit into this world and how you may think other people think of you or about you which can move on to panic attacks, depression and even withdrawal from society.
Also poor diet can cause anxiety in some people as food can also play a part in anxiety, the food we eat and drink (diet) and general fitness of our body’s.
Even healthy people who don’t have low self esteem can suffer from anxiety as it is a fight or flight response and that is there for a reason.
So let’s look at some of the causes/effects on the body and mind:-
Anxiety can affect people in many ways
indiscriminately of their age, sex or background,
sometimes from fear sometimes from low self esteem among many other things
When we feel nervous about seeing and meeting someone or going into a situation whether that be for a date or a job interview we can feel anxiety and this can also lead to many more issues
like depression, illness, shyness and even more low self esteem and feelings of worthlessness
As I mentioned earlier, also diet can play a big part in anxiety, anytime we eat foods high in sugar or refined carbohydrates our bodies produce adrenaline in an attempt to regulate our blood sugar levels. This is because these foods lower our blood sugar levels and the body produces adrenaline to compensate for the fluctuation. Adrenaline, which is the primary factor in the fight-or-flight response, is what causes you to become anxious and nervous. This is why people who eat a diet high in sugars and refined carbohydrates often seem nervous and highly strung. This is a psychological disorder that can be manifested from a poor diet.
So what can be done to assist people to change this …..first of all eat a healthy diet and from my own perspective I believe that people have all the answers within themselves to get over anxiety, and with some hypnosis NLP and life coaching.
They will have control over their life in four sessions or less and maybe gain so much more in the process.
I would like to ask you this question what would be the reason (other than not realising there are ways to get over anxiety) would you spend years suffering from this when you don’t have to? as I know from my own experience I spent many years living with anxiety and watching my life pass me by never realising that I did not have to feel this way, I went to the doctors and all they could do was give me tablets which just masked the problem and did nothing to really help.
So don’t let your life slip past you and if whatever you’re doing now is not working do something else as there are many ways out there to help you and if I had known what I do now I would not have wasted those years thats for sure and to put it like one of my clients said:-
“What the hell was I thinking? I was scared to see a hypnotherapist about this and it was so easy and fun and my problems just disappeared, now that’s just weird”
Those words say a lot as many people have such misconceptions about hypnosis which are without a doubt unfounded.
Hypnosis is most often the last port of call after everything else has failed when it should probably be the first and as long as you want real change in your life and it’s not being forced upon you by somebody else hypnosis and NLP in my opinion can help you make changes you may never of thought possible!